I learn so much from the groups I lead at Lawrence Park Community Church here in Toronto on Saturday mornings, as well as from the meeting I attend as a member at the Weight Watchers Store on Danforth Friday mornings, but at the end of the day I am human like everyone else...damn I hate that.
In order to succeed I need support but I also need to make personal commitments and keep them.
I want to be clear that I am OK with where I am in my journey right now and I am not being negative about myself. I am just confronting myself. It is a different, and positive, thing. When I look back at how I looked, and more importantly how I felt, when I started this final journey with Weight Watchers in 2003 (I originally joined in 1989 then quit and rejoined about 11 times) I am excessively proud of what I have accomplished. I look at the shirtless picture I took of myself yesterday and I am ok with it. I don't love it, but I am not embarrassed by it either. I'm 52 years old for goodness sake!
Lately I haven't been feeling completely "onboard", however. I am not talking about being onboard with Weight Watchers, but being onboard with life. I feel like the paddle is half in and half out of the water. I am not sad or depressed, I just feel a little "outside of myself" if you know what I mean.
Many of you know that the past year has been a difficult one for my partner and I, and I have no doubt that the trials and tribulations of navigating our way through it has played a significant roll, but in my heart of hearts I know that that isn't it. Believe me, it has given me plenty of excuses to indulge, but I know myself well enough to know that that is not what is throwing me off base.
Do I exercise? Yes. I go to the gym ALMOST as much as I used to...but I'm not invested in it the way I used to be. Historically I have always pushed myself to do more, but now I find myself thinking: "Well...at least I showed up".
Are me eating habits good? Often they are. Those 50 plus pounds (and more) would be back on faster than I could ever imagine if I wasn't making good choices a great deal of the time. At the moment, however, I am finding that I "slip" more then I would like to admit, and when I do behave properly, it sometimes feels as if I am doing it begrudgingly. I used to get so excited by new and exciting "food finds".
Ironically the changes to the Weight Watchers Plan for 2016 are absolutely everything I have always felt the Weight Watcher Plan should be. The 2016 program "Beyond the Scale" is not about eating low calorie this and low fat that. The philosophy now is more along the lines of: "Eat like a healthy person does, be active, and find fulfillment in life". Take this holistic approach to life and everything will fall into place. Everything in me believes this to be true. Thank goodness for that, as it is this strong belief that allows me to lead my meetings with truth and sincerity. I know the program works...but you have to work it.
As I reflect on this I have to ask the question: If the program represents everything I believe the program should represent, then why am I struggling?
To be honest I know the answer. It is because, at this particular point in time, I am sometimes talking the talk and not walking the walk. I walk the walk a lot...just not enough lately. This is not the way I like to work.
I can do every single component of the program. I KNOW how to eat well. I KNOW how to exercise. I KNOW how to make time for myself.
I do all of these things...sometimes.
The reality is I am not pulling all of the components together, and if I don't pull it all together then there is nothing holistic about it.
As a Weight Watchers Leader it is really easy to tell other people what to do. When a member is struggling we are trained to ask them to think back to what they were doing when the program was working well for them.
If I want to pull it all together I have to ask myself the same question.
I do know one thing that I was doing when I was "in my prime". I was writing a blog about my journey.
So here we go. I am not going to commit to doing this blog forever, but I am going to commit to doing it until July 1st. We will see where we go from there. It will be a particularly interesting timeframe as I will be in Hawaii for a month of this time. That is a big part of why I want to blog about this starting right now. If one truly changes their relationship with food, the vacation should not be an excuse to go back to old ways. I will indulge a little more for sure. I will not, however, take a vacation from my journey.
It is time for me to fully embrace the Weight Watcher philosophy of thinking "Beyond the Scale".
I will weigh in and report how I did each week. It may sound odd to simultaneously say I am thinking "beyond the scale" and reporting my weight gains and losses, but I did not say I was thinking "without the scale". Weight is only one component of the journey but it is still an import component.
My focus, however, will not be on the scale. It will be on fully rounding things out and finding that positive healthy balance.
I'm excited now. Tomorrow I will let you know how "Day 1" went. Please feel free to join me on this journey,
I think I just motivated myself :-)
Alan
P.S. If you enter your email in the the "Follow by Email" field on the top right hand side of this page you will be emailed my journey each time I post.
In order to succeed I need support but I also need to make personal commitments and keep them.
I want to be clear that I am OK with where I am in my journey right now and I am not being negative about myself. I am just confronting myself. It is a different, and positive, thing. When I look back at how I looked, and more importantly how I felt, when I started this final journey with Weight Watchers in 2003 (I originally joined in 1989 then quit and rejoined about 11 times) I am excessively proud of what I have accomplished. I look at the shirtless picture I took of myself yesterday and I am ok with it. I don't love it, but I am not embarrassed by it either. I'm 52 years old for goodness sake!
Lately I haven't been feeling completely "onboard", however. I am not talking about being onboard with Weight Watchers, but being onboard with life. I feel like the paddle is half in and half out of the water. I am not sad or depressed, I just feel a little "outside of myself" if you know what I mean.
Many of you know that the past year has been a difficult one for my partner and I, and I have no doubt that the trials and tribulations of navigating our way through it has played a significant roll, but in my heart of hearts I know that that isn't it. Believe me, it has given me plenty of excuses to indulge, but I know myself well enough to know that that is not what is throwing me off base.
Do I exercise? Yes. I go to the gym ALMOST as much as I used to...but I'm not invested in it the way I used to be. Historically I have always pushed myself to do more, but now I find myself thinking: "Well...at least I showed up".
Are me eating habits good? Often they are. Those 50 plus pounds (and more) would be back on faster than I could ever imagine if I wasn't making good choices a great deal of the time. At the moment, however, I am finding that I "slip" more then I would like to admit, and when I do behave properly, it sometimes feels as if I am doing it begrudgingly. I used to get so excited by new and exciting "food finds".
Ironically the changes to the Weight Watchers Plan for 2016 are absolutely everything I have always felt the Weight Watcher Plan should be. The 2016 program "Beyond the Scale" is not about eating low calorie this and low fat that. The philosophy now is more along the lines of: "Eat like a healthy person does, be active, and find fulfillment in life". Take this holistic approach to life and everything will fall into place. Everything in me believes this to be true. Thank goodness for that, as it is this strong belief that allows me to lead my meetings with truth and sincerity. I know the program works...but you have to work it.
As I reflect on this I have to ask the question: If the program represents everything I believe the program should represent, then why am I struggling?
To be honest I know the answer. It is because, at this particular point in time, I am sometimes talking the talk and not walking the walk. I walk the walk a lot...just not enough lately. This is not the way I like to work.
I can do every single component of the program. I KNOW how to eat well. I KNOW how to exercise. I KNOW how to make time for myself.
I do all of these things...sometimes.
The reality is I am not pulling all of the components together, and if I don't pull it all together then there is nothing holistic about it.
As a Weight Watchers Leader it is really easy to tell other people what to do. When a member is struggling we are trained to ask them to think back to what they were doing when the program was working well for them.
If I want to pull it all together I have to ask myself the same question.
I do know one thing that I was doing when I was "in my prime". I was writing a blog about my journey.
So here we go. I am not going to commit to doing this blog forever, but I am going to commit to doing it until July 1st. We will see where we go from there. It will be a particularly interesting timeframe as I will be in Hawaii for a month of this time. That is a big part of why I want to blog about this starting right now. If one truly changes their relationship with food, the vacation should not be an excuse to go back to old ways. I will indulge a little more for sure. I will not, however, take a vacation from my journey.
It is time for me to fully embrace the Weight Watcher philosophy of thinking "Beyond the Scale".
I will weigh in and report how I did each week. It may sound odd to simultaneously say I am thinking "beyond the scale" and reporting my weight gains and losses, but I did not say I was thinking "without the scale". Weight is only one component of the journey but it is still an import component.
My focus, however, will not be on the scale. It will be on fully rounding things out and finding that positive healthy balance.
I'm excited now. Tomorrow I will let you know how "Day 1" went. Please feel free to join me on this journey,
I think I just motivated myself :-)
Alan
P.S. If you enter your email in the the "Follow by Email" field on the top right hand side of this page you will be emailed my journey each time I post.
Alan! What a great post!! I have also had a tough year and now I'm facing another hurdle. You just inspired me to go beyond the scale too.
ReplyDeleteI binge eat when I'm upset. I am conscious of the decisions I make, yet I do it anyway. I think it's my way of punishing myself (even though I don't deserve to be punished). I "found" my lost pounds again (Sandy!).
No more binging. That is my commitment to the beyond the scale holistic approach. And following the program because - it works!
We can do this! If you need support, just reach out - because yeah you're human.
P.S. - treat yourself to new underwear :)
Mona (a proud Lawrence Parker)
We can do this! I love that we can all candidly share our struggles and help each other. Weight Watchers is our "safe zone". You have been dealt a lot my friend. Just remember: It is WHEN significant incidents happen in our lives that we need the program more than ever. Sometimes it is the one thing we CAN control. We've got this!
ReplyDeleteAlan - looking forward to reading this journal - as a fellow WW Leader from Cambridge - I understand totally!
ReplyDeleteScott
Hi Scott! So great to hear from another male WW Leader! I will have to head out to Cambridge and check out one of your meetings someday! Thanks for following me on my journey! It is nice to know you can relate to where I am coming from :-)
ReplyDeleteWe are like the mythical unicorn - few and far between!
ReplyDeleteIndeed! LOL
Delete1 per territory - never to mingle
ReplyDeleteLOL. That sounds pretty accurate!
ReplyDeleteAlan, you've written my own story! One thing I'm trying to do is re-connect with my "why." Having a motivating reason to do it can often be a missing piece when we're perfectly OK with where we are, even though we want to achieve more.
ReplyDeleteI am so glad you said that Leslie! It hadn't actually occurred to me until you said it, that that was the last big "impactful" thing that grabbed me. It was the meeting we had on "why". Thanks for that!
DeleteMy "why" this time around is that I'm also running Chicago in October and I don't want to struggle in that race. I want to be in the best physical shape possible to have a good race.
DeleteAlan - how could I not respond after reading this post. Thank you so much for sharing your personal feelings with others - it is a privilege to have read this. It is probably both sad and comforting to let you know you are not alone (which I am sure you already know!). I am feeling so much of what you are feeling - I even joined WW online to give it another shot because I really like the approach WW is taking. You said something that I will need to reflect upon some more - "...thinking "beyond the scale"... I did not say I was thinking "without the scale"". I have been trying to live without the scale and my jeans and the scale will both agree it was the wrong approach. In the past, I had also found comfort in blogging so I can completely relate with your approach - if anything it helped me to focus and reflect. It has often been my last resort - instead of my first "go to". So while I would be dishonest if I said I am on the right path to my success - I am at least considering blogging again as well - which is a start. Also - after reading your post I realize that I miss you and hope to see you soon - because if I wait until I have lost all the weight I gained before seeing you - it just might never happen! xoxo Gillian
ReplyDeleteIt is so amazing to hear from you Gillian! That alone made it worth doing the post this morning! I was showing properties out your way just last week and I thought: "It has been so long since I saw Gillian and Ron!". We have to plan another get together. So much to update you win. Send me can email or private message and we can chat more. (insert big smily face) :-)
ReplyDelete